IF ONLY... Those must be the two saddest words in the world.

Actually, I wanted to use this for my title: “Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable", because it fits so much to what I am currently feeling. But the lines are too long so I decided to use the one above which I think is sadder. 

I'm actually regretting that I wasn't able to say something about him in front of the director. Ewan ko ba. Pero parang hina-haunt ako ng konsensya ko as a friend. Kasi wala man lang akong nagawa para ipag-tanggol sya. Alam kong wala rin naman akong magagawa. I mean wala ring use kasi mukang super decided na yung director. Pero kasi, naisip ko lang, what if I tried? If only I tried? Malay mo magka-effect? Malay mo lang naman. Nai-imagine ko tuloy ngayon kung ano ba dapat yung sinabi ko. Kung kelan ko ba dapat yun sinabi when the director called for us. Sana nag-matapang ako. Maybe if I was able to do that, kahit na walang nangyari, kahit wala syang effect, at least I tried. At least kahit  papano, may nagawa ako for my friend. Nalulungkot tuloy ako. Ilang araw ko na yang iniisip ever since pinatawag kami. Hindi ko matanggal sa isip ko kaya I blogged it na para mailabas ko na. Pero don't worry about me. I'm still being cautious and is extra careful. I'm not falling again. It's just that I'm sad for my friend. Especially that I wasn't able to do anything for him.

Ka-landian lang pala

Yun yon eh. Ka-landian ko lang pala. As in ka-flirtan... err flirt mate? Hahaha... Whatever. I'll surely miss him if ever he would be transferred to another unit. Kanina kahit na nga may problem, pinipilit pa rin mag-saya. Nagkukulitan nanaman nga kami kanina. Pero don't worry, I was very careful kanina not to fall again. Sabi ko nga ka-landian ko lang. Haha... Kasi meron akong ka-text. Actually it was just two of my friends working in the same hospital. Eh natatawa ako sa mga text. Tapos syempre ayaw ku ipabasa sa kanya kasi medyo about dun nga sa mga nangyayari. Tapos kinukulit nya ko. Tinatanong nya kung sino daw yun, bakit daw ganun yung reaction ko. Eh I cannot really tell him. Sows... pa mysterious effect pa ang lola. haha... As in kinukulit nya ko.  In short nag-lalandian kami. Kaso may kausap sya sa fone. As in halos buong shift mag-kausap sila. I think yun yung girl na type nya. One of the reasons why I was very careful. Also one of the reasons why I did not fall. Haaayyssttt. Syempre super sad pag nalipat sya. Wala na akong close na guy sa unit. Wala na akong kaasaran. Wala na akong kasabay kumain. Wala na akong kasundo sa mga laitan. Haha... Baka naman po pwede pang mapalampas? Kasi feeling ko pag nasa ibang unit na sya, wala na. Baka mag-kalimutan na.

Just in time

I'm proud of myself! I was in time. My detachment slash moving on was a success... or so I think. I've stopped being feelingera slash expecting... How? I've just confirmed somehow that he is dating a girl.... and *clap! *clap! I  wasn't bitter. There was nothing. No hurt slash disappointment slash  heart-ache. I was actually surprised while hearing about it. Because I was expecting that I would feel bitter or something. But there wasn't! Really! Unlike with the previous guy, there was really bitterness... because I was too late. I moved on too late. But this time, I wasn't too late. That's why I love myself. It means that I've already learned my lesson. 

It's just that there's a downside. It means, whatever happens, I could not fall again. Anyway I'm not trying to fall again. Oh well... I need to look for another one. Hahaha...

I think I drank too much coffee. I'm still not sleepy.

Some ANGELS are destined to FALL

 What if the person you were meant to be with could never be yours?

Just finished another YA novel about fallen angels - Fallen by Lauren Kate. This novel took me some time to read. I actually find the story slow and it seemed like nothing is really happening except for Lucinda always thinking about Daniel. I think the reason why I find it slow is because the book focused more on Lucinda's relationships with the  various characters and I was like expecting some action. Action as in battles between the fallen and whoever is the enemy. Although there were some action, it came too late for me and I was like already too tired and lazy for it. For me, the first book felt like a long prologue for the series. But don't take it negatively. It's just my personal opinion. It's just that I'm still not used to reading romantic novels. Actually, I've read good reviews about it. It actually depends on your taste. Anyway, I'm still going to read Torment and the next books to find out how the star-crossed lovers would end everything and how Luce is important for the other fallen angels.

There’s something achingly familiar about Daniel Grigori.

Mysterious and aloof, he captures Luce Price’s attention from the moment she sees him on her first day at the Sword & Cross boarding school in Savannah. He’s the one bright spot in a place where cell phones are forbidden, the other students are screwups, and security cameras watch every move.

Except Daniel wants nothing to do with Luce–he goes out of his way to make that very clear. But she can’t let it go. Drawn to him like a moth to a flame, she has to find out what Daniel is so desperate to keep secret . . . even if it kills her.

Oh yeah, I just remembered, maybe another reason why I find it slow is because my attention for the novel is not 100%. I'm watching a Korean drama (You're Beautiful) which I find more interesting because of the gorgeous Jang Geun-suk. It just happened that I find JGS more alluring than Daniel Grigori because I could watch JGS and I can only read about DG. lol. Anyway, this is like their official website -> Fallen. I also got the title of my post there and the feather image. I hope you would enjoy the book. XD

Speaking of JGS (another angel), I just browsed my old journal and happened to find some entries  about him around 3 years ago. I first learned about his existence while watching Hwang Jin-i. I'm amused so I'm going to post them here. 

October 21, 2007 at 9:12PM

I just remembered... I'm watching Hwang Jin-i everyday after Marimar in channel 7... I am watching it and is actually looking forward for it because of Jin-i and her love interest... her lover is soooo cute!!! haha... His smile is very cute... haha... Ang amo ng face nya at parang ang bait-bait nya. Tapos yung character pa nya torpe... grabe... I like... cute nya.... I searched for him in the net pero mukang di pa siya sikat.

October 22, 2007
(While writing about what happened to me that day, I suddenly wrote this out of nowhere)
... syet ang gwapo nya... haha... yung boypren ni Hwang Jin-i... haha ang cute nya talaga... (and then I resumed again about what I was previously writing.)

at 10:50PM
Waaa... syet... taeng magic flakes. pinutol yung scene na nakakakilig sa hwang Jin-i... naiiyak na nga ako sa kilig eh. hehe. literal. may luha na ko... waaa... syet... gwapo talaga.

November 05, 2007 at 10:27 PM
Currently watching Hwang Jin-i. Love it... it's just sad that Eun-ho (JGS) is dead already... He's her cute boyfriend.... He's really cute... Maybe he was the one who caused my detachment.

Around those times, I was actually watching Hwang Jin-i while writing these stuff kaya napapasingit si JGS.I just couldn't resist his sweet smile.

I was also able to watch Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do and Itaewon Murder Case. Medyo hindi pa ganun ka-mature yung itsura nya sa Do Re Mi pero ang cute-cute nya talaga. Dun sa Itaewon, suuupppeeerrr like yung huling appearance nya. Medyo Hwang Tae-kyung na yung itsura nya. Cute talaga mag-smile... Adik nanaman ako.

Jang Geun Suk Fan-girl mode ♥♥♥

Screaming, squealing, and giggling like a fan-girl. I just finished You're Beautiful yesterday, and I still could not get enough of A.N.Jell especially Hwang Tae-kyung!!! I really, really love them. JGS is soooo cute ♥♥♥♥ XD. I wish A.N.Jell is a real band. I want the four of them together.

I really, really adore JGS in here. I love his voice soooo much. ♥♥♥

I don't know what to write anymore because I'm speechless, I only want to squeal .. so it's pic spam time!!! XD

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

XD A.N.Jell mini-concert XD

It's Gone... Gone..!!

But... should I be happy about it? A while ago, during our shift, he hugged me playfully... we fooled around and stuff. But there was nothing. I felt nothing. Like it was totally gone. Actually I feel ambivalent about it. I'm quite relieved since it won't hurt anymore. But somehow I'm sad because I couldn't feel it anymore. I think it's really gone... It was sooner than I thought and to think that somehow we see each other most of the time. Actually, I find it boring.... aargghh. I'm so confused. I've been hoping for this to happen. And now that it's already happening, I'm not sure if this is what I've really wanted.

Whatever. My head is hurting already. I should be sleeping.

Found my angels. But I still feel down.

I know I'm already too late with this drama. But it is only now that I was able to finally find the time to watch it. I'm just starting this drama and I already love it soooo much. And oh yeah, I finally found Hwang Jin-i's boyfriend! harhar... 

Remember that very sweet smile? Yung nakakatunaw nyang ngiti? I remember I actually watched Hwang Jin-i because of him. Ang cute-cute nya talaga dun. Finally found him. His name is actually Jang Geun-suk and he is the Hwang Tae-kyung in You're beautiful. And hanggang ngayon, and cute-cute nya pa rin mag-smile. Although ngayon medyo nag-mature na sya. Dati kasi muka pa syang totoy .

Go Mi Nyu is a sister-in-training. When her twin brother Go Mi Nam successfully auditions into the musical band A.N.JELL but is forced to leave for the United States to correct a botched plastic surgery effort, she is approached by his manager to pose as Mi Nam for the duration of his recovery. Against her wishes, Mi Nyu accepts in order to fulfill her brother's dream of finding their mother. Now, posing as Mi Nam, Mi Nyu enters the group A.N.JELL and meets its members; Hwang Tae Kyung, Kang Shin Woo and Jeremy.

Initially disliked by Tae Kyung, the group's leader and composer, Mi Nyu slowly falls in love with him, only to find herself entangled in a love triangle between him and Shin Woo. Jeremy also harbors a one-sided love for her despite not knowing she's a girl. Additionally, Mi Nyu finds herself rivaled against Yoo He Yi, an actress who also has feelings for Tae Kyung. (Wikipedia)

Anyway, ang cute-cute nilang tatlo. I cannot really choose among them. Actually silang apat, pero let's not include Go Mi-nam because she's actually a girl. Pero ang super like ko talaga ay si Hwang Tae-kyung. Kahit na ang gwapo-gwapo ni Shin-woo at ang kulit at ang cute ni Jeremy, package pa rin si Tae-kyung. Lam no manan, matagal ko na syang hinahanap. Haha... I thought at first it would be like Coffee Prince, yung matagal-tagal pa before malalaman na girl si Mi-nam. Pero I was actually surprised na medyo nagsstart pa lang eh nabuko na sya. Yun nga masaya kasi umpisa pa lang may selosan na. Haha... Alam na rin kasi ni Shin-woo. Nakakatuwa talaga.

Anyway, dun na tayo sa "feeling down". I'm not sure bakit ako nalulungkot. Siguro na-drain lahat ng saya sa kin yesterday. I went to MOA kasi with two of my OR friends. As in super laughtrip kami kahapon. Sobrang biglaan lang talaga non. Yung tipong tatawid na dapat kami para umuwi pero biglang nagkayayaan. Kwento, tawa, kwento at tawa pa. Naglakad-lakad, nag-laro, tawa pa at pictures. We weren't able to realize parang nag-straight duty na kami, sa MOA nga lang. haha...I was planning to write about it last night kaya lang super napagod ata ako at inaantok na. Kaya natulog na lang ako. 

I also have a new book. Fallen by Lauren Kate. Kaya lang  hindi katulad ng Hush, Hush na tuluy-tuloy ang pag-babasa ko. Parang ang bagal kasi. Tska siguro kasi nga I'm watching You're Beautiful. I think mas gusto kong manood ngayon kesa mag-basa. Pero I'm actually intrigued with the story. Mas cute nga lang kasi talaga ang mga anghel sa You're Beautiful. hehehe...Haaayysst. Sana sumaya na ulit ako.

Shit ang gwapo talaga ni Jang Geun-suk. Gusto ko magpic-spam kaya lang tinatamad ako mag-edit. Ang cute-cute nya talaga... ♥♥♥

A Fallen Angel... A Forbidden Love

For Nora Grey, romance was never part of the plan. Not until Patch came along.
With his easy smile and eyes that seem to see inside her, Nora is drawn to him against her better judgment. 

But after a series of terrifying encounters, Nora isn't sure if she can trust him. Patch seems to be everywhere she is, and to know more about her than her closest friends. And when she tries to seek answers, she she discovers she is right in the middle of a centuries-old battle between the immortal and the fallen... and it's time to take sides.

I'm not a good critic so I won't be reviewing the book. I'll just post what I think about the book. Anyway, what really made me read the book is the cover and the involvement of fallen angels. I'm not really into fallen angels before. Actually I love fairies and elves more but I saw YA fallen angels first, and I don't like vampires anymore ever since Twilight. 

Some people were comparing it to Twilight because of the forbidden love story between two races and I really do hope they stop that. I won't say which is better because I would sound biased. Anyway, I practically finished the whole book in under 12 hours! I was also surprised on how fast I was able to finish it. I could not put the book down because there were a lot of questions and I want answers. A lot were happening but I could not find the answers until the last few chapters. Although I'm not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Regarding the characters, I'm still not sure if Nora would turn out like Bella and I'm hoping she wouldn't. You know, the whole head-over-heels thing and so-so-crazily-in love stuff. Although I'm seeing some similarities between Patch and Edward, the dark, mysterious aura, the... wait a second... did I just compare Hush, Hush, with Twilight? Whatever...

SPOILERS ahead. ~wink 

Anyway, I was a bit surprised with what happened in the end of Hush, Hush. I thought Patch would be a fallen until the end of the whole series. I did not expect that he would be able to resolve his being fallen in the end of the first book. But he became a guardian. I was actually like hoping that he would be a fallen until the end because I think having a fallen as a boyfriend is more exciting than a guardian. lol. Well, I'm not sure what would happen in the next books... Maybe he'll become a fallen again, kill a Nephilim and become human!  Or he'll raise his rank and become an archangel! Whatever... I  would just wait for Crescendo. XD

You never really stop loving someone. You just learn to try to live without them.

Weh... Di nga? So I still feel something?  So I'm just really trying to move on and live without him? Kasi parang wala eh. Or, baka naman it wasn't love? Maybe I was just confused with all the attention? Because I really feel empty right now. Like there was nothing. Nothing from the very beginning. Sometimes I find myself thinking about him...missing him. Pero pag andyan na sya, parang wala lang. Parang he is just another ordinary close friend. So maybe confused lang talaga ako? Akala ko there was something for me. Pero ang totoo, naghahanap lang talaga siguro ako. Ewan... O baka naman meron, I'm just really trying to live without him right now? And it feels like I'm succeeding. Ang gulo.  Labo. Kakaasar. Siguro I have to wait until we're on the same shift again. 

Anyway, same pa rin for the other guy. Ilang pa rin ako. Pero medyo humuhupa na ang mga fans. Medyo lang. And then sya naman, parang ganun pa rin. Pero cannot talaga ako. Di ko pa kaya yung tulad ng dati. Ang arti-arti ko talaga. haha... 

Pain or Sadness?

I don't know what I should feel anymore. Yes, I said I should move on and that somehow I could feel that I've moved on already. But I don't feel happy. It's like I'm missing something. It feels like there should be something only it wasn't there. It's like I have to choose between pain or sadness.

I feel the pain when I think that it's impossible. That I'm the only one who is thinking that there is something. But when he suddenly shows or do something, hope rushes in and I feel somehow happy... delighted. But this sadness that I'm currently feeling, it seems like even if he shows or do something, since I'm trying hard to move on, I don't really give a damn about it. So that thing that he does or shows, doesn't have any effect on me, which makes me still sad. So I'm thinking, should I just accept the pain and hurt so that I could still feel happy even sometimes or just move on and feel sad? 

I really miss the feeling of 'kinikilig'. Pero if I stop moving on, baka hindi na ko makatigil ulit. Naisip ko, bakit nga ba ako nalulungkot? Siguro kasi pag nakikita ko sya, hindi na katulad ng dati. Dati kasi sumasaya ako pag kinukulit nya ako. Pero nung isang araw kahit kinukulit nya ako, parang wala lang. 

Bahala na. Ang gulu-gulo ko talaga. Adik.

♪ ♪ neon naege neon naegero ♫ ♫

I don't know what the hell that means, but I'm currently addicted with Love Like This by SS501. ♥

I really, really love this kpop video. I'm not contented with just hearing the music, I must be also watching the mv. lol. I'm not currently into the "korean wave", even though I'm somehow missing it. I want to watch new k-dramas but I'm currently really lazy in watching one right now. I'm not also really a big fan of kpop music. I just love this video of SS501. While watching it over and over again, I realized why I somehow love kpop videos and I was able to think of 5 things:

5. Cool lightings, drama and effects
4. Nice costumes
3. Catchy tunes
2. Awesome choreography/ dance steps
1. Cute, hot and sexy guys XD

Moving On...

I am feeling down... disappointed. I thought I would be happy somehow since I would be seeing him like twice because of my straight duty. But it wasn't as I expected. I don't know if he was just feeling sick because he said he is sick or he is just becoming cold to me because of reasons I don't know. But thanks to it I'm gradually moving on. But I'm not yet ready that's why I'm feeling like this. He is not really ignoring me. It's just not the same anymore. I need time to adjust. 

This morning, dapat kikiligin ako dahil  nga nadagdagan nanaman ang mga clue kung sino ang 3rd guy. Kaso na over power ata nung mga nanunukso, kaya naasar na lang ako. Ganun pa rin, inaaasar nila ako dun sa isa. Lalo na sya. Ganito kasi,  may sinabi syang hindi ko naintindihan, basta ang narinig ko lang na word ay 'pagmamahal' or something. Tapos sabi nung senior ko na laging tumutukso sa kin, 'ayan may nagpaparinig sa 'yo.' Before pa nun, may sinabi na sya na pinag-aawayan na daw ako. Hindi ko alam kung tama ang pagkaka-interpret ko dun. Parang halos sabihin na nya sa 'kin kung sino yung 3rd guy kaso ayaw kong maniwala. Parang mahirap paniwalaan. Ayaw ko nang masyadong ungkatin kasi baka mag-expect nanaman ako at mag-feeling. Pero hindi ko matiis. Yun na kasi ang sagot sa tanong ko. Naisip ko, next time na banggitin nya ulit yun medyo magtatanong ako, yung hindi halata. Para lang matahimik ako.