I am soooo ♥-broken

Paano? Eh kasi naman, meron akong nalaman. Hindi sa hindi nya ko gusto. Hindi rin dahil may girlfriend na sya or may nililigawan syang iba. Mas malala pa. Sa umpisa pa lang pala, wala na akong pag-asa. Walang kwenta pala ang pagiging feelingera ko... Sayang lang ang pag-iisip ko. Naisip ko na yun dati pero I dismissed the idea. May mga nag-hihinala pero hindi ko pinansin. Pero ngayon, hindi pwedeng hindi ko na pansinin. Kasi parang totoo na nga yata. Yup hindi pa naman talaga ako sure pero konti na lang parang yun na nga yun. Baka nga he's a bi. Yup, bisexual. I refuse to use the word gay kasi I don't think he is gay/bading/bakla. Bi lang. Yung katulad ng karamihang yaoi sa anime. Super lalaki kumilos pati itsura pero ang gusto eh lalaki din pala. And I love those kind of yaoi. Anyway, dati iniisip ko metrosexual lang. Minsan yun pa rin ang gusto kong isipin. Pero baka hindi ko matapos and DABDA pag pinag-pilitan kong super vain lang talaga sya at mahilig pumorma.

Haaysst. eto na ang kwento ko. Meron akong isa pang friend. At yun ang karibal ko... este yung isa pang mukang bi din. Close kami noon, actually hanggang ngayon. Super mahilig syang mag-tweet ng about sa love nya na mukang one-sided. Hindi ko naman tinatanong kung sino. Syempre friend ko kaya hindi ko pina-iisipan ng masama. Tae makapag-lagay nga ng codename. Yung friend na tinutukoy ko nung una ay si Touya. Tapos yung isa si Yukito. Tapos may isang hahabol si Kero. Hahaha... Si Kero yung bestfriend ko sa unit. Eh di ganto... Dati ko na ring pinag-hihinalaan sila Yukito at Touya. Pero friend ko kaya deadma lang. Tapos lately nga dahil sa mga post ni Yukito, nagcomment sa kin si Kero. Gusto nya daw itanong kay Yukito kung si Touya ba daw ang tinutukoy nya. Ako naman I defended them both. Sabi ko pano mo naman naisip na sila? Halata naman daw. Kasi nung birthday daw ni Yukito, may gift si Touya at mukang kumain pa daw sila sa labas. Patay. Yun na. Napapaisip na ko. Tapos nung trainee days pa daw namin, nakikita nya daw na nagttext si Yukito ng sorry kay Touya. Kasi madalas silang mag-kasagutan noon. Front lang pala nila yun.Tapos si Touya meron pang isang friend si Nakuru na pinag-hihinalaan din sila. Tropa kasi sila. Tapos feeling nga daw nya may something between Touya and Yukito. Hahaha...

Pag naiisip ko yan tska yung mga previous posts ko, natatawa ako. May pa feelinge-feelingera pa akong nalalaman, ka-landian, pain or chuva, tska yung one-person-one-post-churva, tapos wala naman pala talaga akong pag-asa. Haha... Loser...

Kaasar. Sa kabila ng lahat eh parang kahit paano eh umaasa pa rin ako. Pero pilit ko na ngang kinakalimutan bago pa ko tuluyang mabaliw pag na-confirm ko na ang lahat. Hay nako. Bakit ba lapitin ako sa mga ganyang kaibigan? Eto pa, lahat ng mga pangalan nila eh nag-sisimula sa iisang letra. Hindi ko na sasabihin kung ano. Malas ata ako sa letrang yun... Tawa na lang ako.

Can't Wait for July 2011 for the 2nd part of Deathly Hallows!

Yep. I can't really wait for the second part!!! I practically grew up with the books and the movies and I am so looking forward for the the last part. The first part was awesome even though it was very condensed. I am very excited with the second part because it would be mostly where the important events happened. I bet it would be too emotional for me to handle again like what happened after I finished the last book. Actually, I was already emotional while the first part was just starting. I could feel Hermione's loneliness when she erased her existence. And I found myself already crying! And then when Dobbie died, I super cried again. So I think I'll have to watch the last part alone so I can just cry quietly by myself while watching. LoL.

I'm browsing the net and I saw some characters from the epilogue! The middle-aged Harry and Ginny, their children - James, Al and Lily, Ron and Hermione and their children - Rose and Hugo, and also Malfoy and his son Scorpius. Aw, their children are so adorable especially the Potters... 

My favorite parts on the book were the Prince's Tale and the epilogue chapter, so I would be really looking forward for those parts. I really love the part wherein Snape's story was being told. That's why I so love the appearance of the Doe patronus because it felt like it summarizes all. By knowing what the patronus means, you're going to understand why Snape did everything. And the part when he asked Harry to look at him before he died was super sad. He wanted to see Lily's eyes for the last time. Aw, just thinking about it makes me want to cry. What more while I'm seeing it in action?

Actually I'm supposed to go to the mall with my two unit best friends but I couldn't just let Harry Potter pass by. I've been planning this for days and I really need to watch it. Anyway, watching alone isn't bad at all.

I love Harry Potter!!!

My body clock is freakingly messed up!!!

Because of my night duties, I could not sleep well at night. At ngayong PM shift na ko, grabe madaling araw na ako makatulog. Buti sana kung mga 2-3 AM. Kaso past 5 AM! Anong klaseng adjustment naman yan? Dati naman hindi ganto. Huhu... Ok lang naman kasi 10AM pa naman ako gigising. Kaya lang syempre gusto ko na ring matulog agad. Kasi pag super madaling araw na ko nakakatulog tapos hindi pa maganda, sasakit ulo ko sa hapon tapos super aantukin ako. Ilang araw na ganun pa rin. Hindi rin gumagana yung mga ritual kong  pampatulog. Parang overrated na daw kaya ayaw na. Ang nangyayari tuloy, kung anu-ano ginagawa ko - nag-aayos ng mga gamit, nag-susukat ng damit... Sobrang hindi na nga ako nag-iisip ng kung anu-ano. Huhuhu...

Yaan mo na nga. Maaayos din toh. Wala akong isnomnia...

To love is to destroy, to be loved is to be the one destroyed

Three books down for the Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare. I was able to finish City of Bones, Ashes and Glass in a week, but I could have done it in days if only I'm on vacation. Anyway, buying the set was worth it. I love the series even though it reminded me somehow of Harry Potter only more mature in content, the series screams of the author-is-an-otaku of some sort and that there was a twist that I was actually expecting to happen - the only question is how. 

Why Harry Potter? It felt like HP to me, only instead of wizards, there were Shadowhunters; Mundanes instead of muggles; Valentine instead of Voldemort. Isn't Voldemort once a great wizard who had his own opinions for their world so he assembled a group of his own and tried to change and rule the wizarding world? Well, Valentine is not really that different. He was a great Shadowhunter who also had his own opinions and plans and therefore made his own group and tried to rule and change Idris.

I'm not saying being an otaku is bad, and that the author being an otaku is a bad thing. I'm actually also an otaku once and maybe until now, sometimes. It's just one of the things that I noticed in  the series which I think somehow influenced the author in writing it. And for the nth time, I'm saying that it was not a bad thing. The moment I was able to realize that Magnus likes Alec, the word yaoi suddenly popped in my head. And then I wasn't planning to react with the incestuous love between Jace and Clary, but after citing Angel Sanctuary (the one that Sebastian was reading which was actually Max's), my eyes narrowed.  

Angels in love; sibling angels in love; the incestuous relationship of Setsuna and Sara... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Anyway, no more comment about that. I somehow adore forbidden love. ~wink

And then there's the twist that I've been waiting ever since I realized that Jace is Clary's brother. It just felt wrong - them being brother and sister. I thought it would be cruel for the author to make the reader fall in love with Jace and Clary and then disappoint everyone in the end because they were not really meant for each other. I just couldn't imagine Jace falling in love with someone else so he would be able to move on. Or  maybe Jace dying in the end so Clary won't have any choice but to move on - sorry for the wild imagination. That's why I've been waiting for the twist. I was actually expecting that in the end, it would turn out that they're not really brother and sister. The only question is how.

And then after I learned about Stephen and Celine Herondale, after I learnd that Celine was 8 months pregnant when she died, somehow it crossed my mind that the baby might not have died. That there is a possibility that the baby was saved by someone. Then when Imogen died, and she whispered something to Jace, it gave me an idea that Imogen realized something about Jace's scar and his true identity. That was when it dawned to me that Jace could be the Herondale baby. And so, the only thing that I've been waiting is for Valentine to confirm it and how he did it. And I was  right!!! Yey, Jace and Clary forever!

After writing those things, it seemed like the series is too predictable. But overall, I still like it. I actually hope that there would be a movie. I hope it would be as dark and as gory as the  book portrays. And that Jace would really be hot. LoL. I would be looking forward for the action and special effects. ^^

As for the ending, it was just sad that Max died. I hope he did not. He's too young. Anyway, I really did not enjoy the ending that much because I thought that the series is not done yet. I mean, Clare meant the series to end with City of Glass. But I did  not know about that until now so I was expecting for a cliffhanger at the end while reading CoG because of CoFA. I never read about what CoFA would be about so I was expecting that their problems are not yet over. That Valentine would still be alive in the end despite the angel killing him and I have a very great feeling that Sebastian is also alive somewhere and is already making his own army of sorts. Anyway that's my own stupidity. 

Looking forward for  the next 3 books and also for Infernal Devices...

Starting to UNLIKE them...

Mr. and Mrs. A. Sa lahat ng ka-partners, sila yung ayaw ko. Ok naman talaga silang ka-partner - tumutulong naman pag may case kaso lang pag tapos na ang duty or hindi pa nagsstart, bahala ka na. Kaya mo na yan. I believe   I was already able to blog about Mr. A, yung sa Ako na Mareklamo. Pero kay Mrs. A hindi pa. Ngayun pa lang. Kasi nagtitimpi lang ako dahil kung sa tulong, tulong naman. Kaso lang, this morning, naasar ako. At pangalawa na yan.

Kay Mrs. A muna tayo. Yung first time na naasar ako eh nung partner kami ng PM. May service delivery kasi. Syempre junior, kaya ako nag-handle. Ang tagal at natapos sya eh past 10 na. Ang nakakaasar pa eh super late ang NIC kaya hindi nakapag-endorse agad. Kaya ayun, imbis na iendorse ko sa partner kong straight eh  ako pa ang nag-hatid at 11pm na! Sana man lang eh konting konsiderasyon. Oo nga straight sya. Pero ako naman, off duty na at 11pm na. Sobrang lampas na ng 10. Super gusto ko na rin umuwi. Akala ko maiisip nya sya na lang mag-hahatid kasi tutal naman eh straight sya at isa lang ang LR. Dinadaan talaga sa seniority. Grabe na nga ako mag-tanong at mag-parinig - ok lang ba mag-hatid ng naka-blue; nakakaasar si Sir NIC kasi naman 11pm na; tapos super tinawag ko sya ng sunod-sunod para makuha na yung baby. Siguro na feel nya na nairita na rin ako pero deadma lang sya. Nakakaasar...grrr. 

Yun yung first kay Mrs. A. Pangalawa eh yun ngang kaninang umaga, about na to pareho kay Mr. and Mrs. A. 6:30 na ako nakapag-endorse. May 6:45 akong due na ANST. Syempre inabutan ako habang nag-eendorse kay Mr. and Mrs. A. Sabi ko, ipapa-read ko na lang po. Pina-read ko. Negative. Tapos ba naman, ako pa nag-bigay! Ok lang naman kasi sa kin nag-due at ako nag-pa read. Kaya lang inexpect ko na sana eh may nag-kusa na sila na lang ang mag-bigay kasi almost 7am na nanaman. At hindi ko naman kasalanan na late ang endorsement. Grabe, nakita nilang nagdi-dilute ako hindi man lang nag-offer na sila na mag-bigay. Nakaasar talaga. Kasi kung ako yun, ako na mag-bibigay at magpapa-read. Tutal andun lang naman yung residente  buti kung maghahanap pa. Grabe talaga. Tapos sinusundan lang ako ni Mr. A. May tinanong nga sya tapos tinalikuran ko lang at sinagot ko ng pataray. Kaso manhid ata. Buti sana kung toxic sila. Eh yun lang naman. 

Masyado lang ba talaga akong mareklamo at expectant at tamad? Hindi naman katamaran yun diba? Hindi naman ako tinatamad. Gusto ko lang makauwi ng maaga. Iba kasi talaga pag night ka. Ok lang naman kung AM or PM. Pero pag night ka kasi, antok ka na at super gusto mo ng umuwi buti sana kung natulog lang ako mag-damag. Naman, 7am na kaya. Wala naman silang ginagawa. Bwiset. Alam kong maliit lang naman na bagay yun. Kaso iba talaga. Siguro asar lang talaga ako sa kanila.

Naalala ko tuloy nung isang beses. After ng endorsement, may tumawag na fully. Syempre kahit pano,  tinulungan ko pa rin yung mga incoming kumuha ng gamit at mag-open. Pero ang ginawa nila, pinaaalis na nila ako. Umuwi na daw ako. Kaya na daw nila yun. Siguro kung sila Mr. and Mrs. A yun, patatapusin pa nila akong mag-open.

Bahala na nga sila. Mahirap naman kasi mang-away at mag-taray. Parang lahat kakalabanin mo kahit ikaw yung na-agrabyado. Wala naman akong magagawa kasy Mrs. A kasi senior yun. Kaya looking forward na lang akong maka-partner si Mr. A. Tingnan talaga natin. 

Kelangan may mag-wala muna bago tumulong

Super nakaka-windang. First night for the shift at kamusta naman? 10PM pa lang may stat curettage na. Tapos maya-maya fully. Tapos may dadalin daw na buntis. May stat AP sa kabila na katatapos  lang at may stat IJ na ongoing. At yung isa naman, tulog! Kaya  di na ako umasa pa ng tulong. So bali tatlo ang patient ko. Syempre inuna ko yung fully kasi lalabas na ang bata anytime. Buti nag-pa SAB sila kaya di ko na inintindi ang pagse-sedate. Yun nga lang pinroblema ko ang pag-papapirma. MR daw kasi ang patient so hinanap at inantay ko pa ang nanay para makapag-induct na. Sabay dating naman ng anes at consultant ng curettage. Nainis ang anes kasi nga bakit daw mag-isa lang ako. Asan na yung iba. 

Open dito, open doon. Takbo dito, takbo doon. Ay, oo nga pala. Before pa nun, yung natutulog na staff eh nakita na akong natotoxic. Tinanong kung toxic ba daw ako. Ano ba daw meron. Sabi  ko curettage at fully. Deadma. Tuloy lang sa pagla-lakad-lakad. Hanggang sa nag-baby out at mag-iinduct na sa kabila. Syempre unahin ko yung bata. Nainis ang anes sa kabila kasi walang nag-aasikaso. Sariling sikap daw at nawawala pa ang Cutasept spray. Hanggang sa napikon na at nag-simula nang mag-taas ng boses. Nasaan na ba daw ang mga ka-duty ko. Bakit mag-isa lang ako. Pati ang mga residente nakigatong. Hindi na nakatiis sila na  nag-hanap sa mga seniors ko. Yung isa nag-hatid sa MICU kaya wala talaga. Yung isa kakatapos lang ng case at inaasikaso pa ang patient kaya hindi makatulong. At yung isang patay-malisya ang nakita nila. Kug hindi pa nag-wala ang anes, hindi niya ako pupuntahan para tulungan. Medyo sinalo naman nung isa yung curettage ko kasi wala talaga akong papers. Inasikaso ko pa kasi yung fully dahil nga late na naakyat ang admitting papers. After parehas, nag-table naman ang isa. Carry na kasi yun na lang patient ko. Kaya nga lang di ko pa naeendorse yung naunang 2 at hindi pa tapos ang papers ko. Grabe as in kakapasok ko pa lang, toxic na kaagad. Buti na lang after nung 3 yun, wala na. Ang nakakaasar lang eh ako pa sinisisi nung isa. Toxic daw ako. Gusto ko sabihing nakita mo nang toxic, patay-malisya ka pa din. Kung wala pang nag-wala hindi ka tutulong. Ang totoo, ang hirap sa mga sobrang senior, akala mo porke junior ka, bawal kang tulungan. Bahala kang matoxic dyan. Kayanin mo. Dumaan din kami dyan. Ang totoo, mga tinatamad lang. Mas gusto pang mag-scrub sa long case kesa mag-circulate sa mabilis lang matapos na case kahit na sya ang NIC. Kamusta naman? Ano ba yan, tumatakas ka sa katoxican? Eh diba NIC ka nga. Tapos kasalanan mo pa pag toxic ka. Hindi na nga sila hinihingan ng tulong hangga't kaya. Pinapabayaan na nga sila matulog dyan tapos ang dami pang reklamo. Adik lang.