Ako na MAARTE, ako na MALANDI

Ayoko na. Ano nang gagawain ko? Seryoso na ang mga tao. Grabe na ang panunukso. Pati sya, pinamimigay ako. Naaasar na tuloy ako. Naiilang na din ako. Kanina nga halos hindi ko tiningnan yung isa. Ayoko lang kasi ng may umaasa. Feeling  ko kasi pag katulad pa din ng dati, baka mag-karoon ng meaning. Baka akalain eh ok lang. Kaso hindi. Hindi talaga ok. Ang arte ko diba? Isa pa yan. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako mag-re-react at sasagot. Baka kasi sabihin ng mg  tao ang  arte ko at ang choosey ko. Kala mo kagandahan. Eh pano kung ayaw ko nga? Wala nga eh. Kung makapag-salita ako kala mo sigurado na ngang meron. Pero kasi feeling ko parang magkakaroon. Pano kung totoo yung sinasabi nila? Na dun na papunta? Ayan tuloy. Hindi ko namamalayan na I'm already applying my old tactic on rejecting someone. Yung tipong dahil ayaw ko sa kanya at ayaw ko syang harapin, hindi ko na patatagalin pa. Medyo tatarayan at hindi papansinin. Hanggang makahalata, mag-sawa at ma turn-off. Haha. Ang feelingera ko ba? Kasi naman. Let's see kung ano mangyayari sa mga susunod na araw. Mag-ka duty na kasi kami. 

Eto na ang malanding part. A senior of mine brought up again yung about dun sa tatlong lalaki. Tapos nag-kataon na andun din sya. Habang tinatanong ko kung sino ba yung isa, tumatawa sya tapos medyo tumitingin sa kanya. Kaso deadma naman yung isa kaya ewan ko talaga. Malandi at feelingera lang talaga siguro ako. Tapos after ma receive na kami pareho, hindi pa nya tinanggal kagad yung gloves nya. Paasar nya akong niyakap kasi nga naka gloves pa sya na may dugu-dugo. Tapos sabi ng senior ko, "wag kayong mag-PDA dito, nakikita ng mga pasyente," habang nakangiti. Yung pang-asar nyang ngiti. Normally, kikiligin dapat ako. Kaya nga lang kasi pinapamigay nya ako dun sa isa. Kaya mas naaasar tuloy ako. Mukang hindi nanaman masasagot talaga ang tanong ko. O baka naman nasagot na, ayaw ko lang tanggapin na feelingera lang talaga ako. Hahaha...

We always ignore the ones who adore us, and adore the ones who ignore us

I'm going to blog today mostly in Tagalog so that I would be able to express myself freely. I really, really need an outlet right now. I'm supposed to write Hate... Hate... Hate... instead of that damn sad quote above. But I realized I wasn't just feeling the hate. I'm also very sad for what I am doing to myself. Here goes...

Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako kanina dahil nagkita na ulit kami. Di ba nga tinitimpla ko pa. Neutral ako kanina na medyo umaasa. Bakit ba kasi may mga taong paasa? Hindi lang naman yung taong gusto mo and pedeng mag-paasa. Kanina... hinulaan ako ni kuya. Binasa nya yung kamay ko at sinabing kuripot daw ako... madami pa daw akong pag-dadaanan... matampuhin daw ako. Here's the catch - There is someone who likes me, na nagpapalipad- hangin. Nagpaparamdam. Nahihiya lang daw umamin. Issue... Sabi ni kuya, friend ko daw na medyo gusto ko din daw. Yung tipong pag-umamin, mapapaisip daw ako. Eh sino kaya yun? Leche. Syempre sya yung unang pumasok sa isip ko. Kinikilig tuloy ako. Bwisit. Nakakaasar talaga ang mga paasa. Sabi ko pa hindi ako matampuhin. Pero kanina nagtatampo talaga ako. Kasi naman. Hindi man lang nag-sabi na uuwi na sya. Kahit man lang silip wala. Leche. Hindi ko na tuloy alam kung ano ba. Gusto ko pakitang nagtatampo ako pero parang di ko kaya. Kasi baka sabihin naman ang arte ko. Kasi naman... Tapos sobrang naiisip ko talaga yun kaya naaasar ako sa sarili ko. Nalulungkot tuloy ako.  Kasi lagi na lang bigla-bigla umaalis. Hindi man lang nag-sasabi. Hindi naman kelangan mag-paalam. Wala lang. Kasi di ba, medyo close kayo at sabay kayo lagi dati umuwi pati kumain. Tapos ngayon parang lumalayo.  Kaasar. Tapos naisip ko, pano kung yung isa pala yung tinutukoy at hindi sya? Paano kung yung isa pala ang nagpapalipad-hangin? Sana hindi... ayoko. Kasi feeling ko talaga wala. Friend lang talaga ang turing ko sa kanya. At ayokong mangyari yun kasi mahihirapan lang ako. Dahil nga ayaw ko talaga. Hindi naman sa as in ayaw ko sa kanya. May mga tao lang talaga na sa umpisa pa lang, no na talaga. Hindi pwede. Hanggang friends lang. At hindi ko alam kung pano hindi ako makakasakit pag dumating ang pagkakataong ayaw kong mangyari... T_T

Bakit ba kasi ganito? Napaka-feelingera ko talaga. haha... Ang fitting-fitting nung quote... Lagi na lang. Lagi na lang talaga. I need to stop before it's too late. Ayaw kong dumating yung time na super kelangan ko na talagang tumigil dahil feelingera lang pala talaga ako. Hindi na nga nasagot yung dati ko pang tanong since 3rd year college, tapos eto nanaman. I'm asking the same question regarding a different person.

'Expecting' feels like Sinning

I really have to stop...seriously. This morning someone told me something that somehow made me expect something. I've told myself that I should stop 'expecting' and being feelingera because it would just hurt me in the long run. Because it would be too late if I'm going to stop only when I've confirmed that there is nothing. It feels like sinning, because even though I know that it is bad (for me), I still do it and then I'll feel guilty afterwards. Aargghh... I wasn't even sure if that something that someone told me is true. That someone always teases me so I'm not sure if he was just adding some issues to tease me more or if he was really telling the truth. This is so hard... T_T And also I wasn't sure if that something involves him. I'm sooo malabo. 

Fine I'll tell what that something is. A senior staff was always teasing me that there are two guys who likes me and that they were fighting over me. I know those two, and they're just my friends. They were just really teasing us because I'm somehow close to both of them. Then this morning, he told me that they were able to talk about me during their summer outing. He said that it wasn't just two, but there are three people who likes me or something. He actually said, "ikaw ha, tatlo pala sila". I tried to ask who is the third one but he said that he won't tell more because I might know who was the third one. I'm not sure if that is true or he is just teasing me. Here is the expecting part... All the boys who were in the outing included 4 senior and 2 junior staffs. I think it is impossible that the third one would come from the senior staffs, because they already have their girl friends. That leaves me with the 2 junior staffs. One of them is the one who is already being teased to me. And the other one is him. And when my senior staff told me that there are 3, he was the first one who came to my mind! Waaahhh. I'm really feelingera. T_T I should stop... I should really, really stop.

That Butler and Master, Wickedly Gorgeous

In a manor house on the outskirts of Victorian era London, butler Sebastian Michaelis serves Ciel Phantomhive, the twelve-year-old head of an English noble family and a toy and candy empire, who serves directly under the Queen. Sebastian carries out any task required by his master while solving the problems plaguing England with ease and perfection, because of his demonic lineage and Faustian contract with his master. - wikipedia

The Kuroshitsuji anime/manga by Yana Toboso got my attention because of the Victorian motiff and dark humor. First time I saw the anime, I easily fell in love with the series. The story is very mysterious and dark. The characters were very adorable especially the servants in the manor. I was actually surprised when it was revealed that they are actually very skilled in protecting their master and the household, even Tanaka which has just been revealed in the manga. I love it when Ciel and Sebastian is doing work together - the way Ciel orders Sebastian and the way Sebastian does his work.

Back then, anyone was fine, as long as they would be devoted to me and grant me my wishes... Anyone.

There are things that you cannot get back no matter how much you struggle. There is also despair that you cannot escape.

I love every character in the series. But one of my early favorites was Angelina Durless a.k.a. Madame Red. You shouldn't ask why because I think it's very obvious XD. That's why I was a little disappointed when she died - I don't care what she had done. I still like her. lol...

The last episode of the anime made me cry my eyes out. I started crying when Sebastian was ferrying Ciel somewhere. And while they were having their last conversation and while Ciel was waiting for Sebastian to finish their deal, I was like begging for Sebastian to stop it. haha... lol... Ciel is such a waste. 

I was glad when it was announced that there would be another season for the anime. There were debates on how it could happen when Sebastian had already eaten Ciel's soul.  There were some speculations that maybe Sebastian stopped (the screen went black while Sebastian was about to eat him, so we were never sure) and maybe gave Ciel more time, thus permitting for another season.  But then, to my disappointment, it was announced that the new series would have a different butler and master. I was just disappointed because it wasn't Ciel and Sebastian. But I would still support the second series when it comes out.

Had a nice chat with my 2 unit girl friends ^^

After 8 hours of duty, I ate at a nearby diner with my 2 unit girl friends. We chatted for a while about what's currently happening to us in our workplace and about our co-workers. Mostly girl talks and juicy gossips...shhh... ^^ I actually felt a little guilty because we also talked about a close friend of mine (it's actually him... yeah him.) But when I think back, there's really nothing to feel guilty about. I did not actually said anything bad about him. I just listened to their sentiments and I actually defended him quite a bit; not because it's him, but because he is my friend. Anyway, it helped me forget about my feelings. Because if ever they find out that there is something (for me), I have to eat everything I've said. >_<

Another reason for feeling guilty is because when she (one of my girl friends) is not around, we (me and him or me and another close friend) talk about her. Actually she is fun to be with outside work. But when at work, there is something about her that we don't like.

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control.

Happened twice already. I'm really, really trying to move on. I'm trying hard to stop being feelingera because I know I'm just going to be hurt again in the end... But deep inside, something tells me that it's true. It must be true. I am sooo frustrated. Because I know it's not true... I hate him for being like that to me... but I hate myself more for falling again with those kind of tricks.

Vampires, Angels and Fairies.

 After quite some time of searching for a new book to read, I found a new genre that somehow got my interest. Actually it's not really new... just new for me. I'm talking about young adult fantasy novels. Yes like the Twilight series. Before, I did not really like young adult novels because of the cheesy romance and stuff. I'm not really into romantic novels. But since I don't know what to read anymore, I'm trying this genre.

The Twilight series had been actually getting my attention even before the hype went out because of the cover - you know... the black background with red images against it. I told you I love red. And the black bakground made it look mysterious and interesting. But when I read the plot, I easily lost my interest (eeww... a romantic novel). But because of the fantasy part and the vampire-hype, I decided to read the whole Twilight series around a couple of years ago. Another reason why I decided to read the series, was because of the anime/manga series Vampire Knight by Matsuhiro Hino. Gaian anime fans were comparing the characters of the series so I became curious about the novel. Anyway, I also somehow like vampires at that time because of VK. But after reading the first book, I started to have a slight dislike to vampires. Even though I don't want to compare Twilight with VK, I can't help comparing the characters. The complicated relationship and characters of Edward, Bella and Jacob greatly reminded me of Kaname, Yuuki and Zero.

You might be asking why I started to have a slight dislike to vampires after reading Twilight. Actually, I also don't understand. Maybe because I just don't want to be one of those girls dreaming for a vampire like Edward to come true. And because I really could not stand Twitards - sorry for the term. Despite everything, I was still able to finish the whole series in 6 days... not because I fell in love with it, but because of sheer boredom. I actually hate the series. I just read them out of curiosity and I hate unfinished works. When I started reading  or watching something,  I have to finish it or else I know that someday I'm going to regret it. And the ending would also haunt me.

There are a lot of people criticizing how the author had written the book and how the characters were developed, but I'm not really into criticizing those things so I won't be talking about that. After reading the books, I somehow understood why everyone is screaming for Edward. It's because it's every girl's dream to have a boy who would love her with all his heart, protect her with his life, and go crazy for her just like Ed to Bella. Shit, am I hearing myself? That sounds cheesy (eeww...). But don't get me wrong, I'm actually on Team Jacob ~wink. Although I was quite uhm... disgusted at the end... you know, with the imprinting thingy.

Just like the other Twilight haters, I do not really like the series because of Bella.H er personality, being a Mary Sue and her being sooo head over heels with Edward. Hey, I'm not saying that it's wrong to crazily fall in love and give everything you've got. It's just that, I don't like that way or that kind of falling in love. Because even though I haven't experienced it that way, I know it's going to hurt so much not only me but also everyone around me. Am I sounding bitter? But trust me, I'm not. Anyway, I'm suddenly remembering more reasons why I don't like Twilight. But I don't want to list everything down here so let's just leave it like that.

Anyway, I'm writing this here as an introduction for some of the next entries that I would be having. I'm actually planning to write about the books that I've read and would be reading. Actually, I'm supposed to write about Eyes Like Stars by Lisa Mantchev, which I've just finished, but I don't know what happened why I suddenly talked about Twilight. lol. Maybe I'll just write about it tomorrow... or when I've already bought the next book that I'm planning to read  - could be Fallen by  Lauren Kate or Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick which are also young adult fantasy novels. I'm trying to stay away from vampires and found fairies/magic (Eyes Like Stars) and fallen angels (Fallen and Hush, Hush). I was supposed to buy Fallen this afternoon, but my favorite bookstore was packed with school supplies-shoppers and I don't want to waste my time waiting in a very, very long line to buy a single book, so I just went home. Maybe I'll try my luck again tomorrow from a different branch.

¥8,000,000 vase inside the Third Music Room

Haruhi Fujioka is a scholarship student at the prestigious Ouran Academy, a fictional high school located in Bunkyō, Tokyo. Looking for a quiet place to study, Haruhi stumbles upon the Third Music Room, a place where the Ouran Academy Host Club, a group of six male students, gathers to entertain female "clients". During their first meeting, Haruhi accidentally knocks over and breaks an antique vase valued at ¥8,000,000 and is told to repay the cost in service to the club. Haruhi's short hair, slouching attire and gender-ambiguous look causes her to be mistaken by the hosts for a male student. The hosts all agree that Haruhi would be a good host, thus making her join the host club. Ultimately she agrees to join the Club as a host herself (dressed as a male) in order to pay off her debt. - Wikipedia

Lineage counts first, wealth a close second

Rich people have free time. Thus, this Host Club was created by 6 beautiful high school students with lots of free time to serve those female students with lots of free time. - manga

 

Ouran High School Host Club (Ōran Kōkō Hosuto Kurabu) is a shoujo/ romantic comedy manga/anime series by Bisco Hatori. Even though it's a high school shojo, I did not really hesitated in trying the series because of the comdey part. I was greatly entertained by the series and it's one of the funniest anime I've ever watched. I came to love the series not only because of the gorgeous characters and the funny parts but also because of the drama. I've already cried a couple of times while watching the anime and reading the manga. I cried near the end of the anime when Haruhi was chasing Tamaki. In the manga, I cried a couple of times due to Tamaki's mother. I think the first one was when Kyouya was able to find Tamaki's mother in France, and my latest cry was when Tamaki and his mother shared a brief but heartfelt reunion (wiki). I'm not sure if those are actually tear jerkers or I'm just a cry baby...lol... (I actually think it's the latter ~wink).

My favorite hosts are actually the Hitachiin twins (because of the twincest thing...haha...kidding). I love them because of their naughtiness and because they usually make fun of Tamaki. Actually I love all the hosts. It's just that, the twins are my favorites, that's why I was quite hurt when the twins were realizing that they like Haruhi, because we all know that she likes Tamaki. But I'm not a HikaHaru fan, mind you. I'm all for Tamaki and Haruhi!!! ♥

Because OHSHC is sooo funny, I had a collection of funny pics and quotes from the anime and manga, which I wanted to share, but since my hard disk broke (T_T), I was only able to save a few quotes from the manga. Anyway, here are some of my favorite funny quotes/lines/conversations from the manga.

Tamaki: I wanted to kiss Haruhi... daddy is a pervert!!

---

Kaoru: Hikaru, calm down!! if you become a criminal what will happen to me,
since we have the same face?

---

Hikaru: Tono!! I'm turning this cake into a bomb!
Hunny: You'll ruin the cake!!!
Tamaki: Okay! Let's sing that song again!
Hikaru: Don't ignore me!

Neutral... and Bored

I don't actually feel anything right now. I'm just plain BORED... Imagine I've been replaying Pyramid by Charice (feat. Iyaz) in YouTube for the nth time... I just feel like hearing it over and over again. Then to somehow ease my boredom, I decided to blog while waiting for Fairy Tail episode 29 to load. But still, I'm bored... I'm trying to be feelingera and think about tomorrow's duty but I don't really feel any excitement about it.

Spell FEELINGERA.

 I'm indulging myself again with those crazy thoughts, which I shouldn't be, because I know that it's quite impossible to happen. Actually, I'm not assuming anything. It just feels like there is something. I don't know if I'm just imagining it or I'm just confused... or maybe, just maybe... that something really do exists.

Kimi ni Todoke : Shouta + Sawako = ♥

Kuronuma Sawako is nicknamed Sadako due to her resemblance to the girl from the Japanese horror movies "The Ring". Shunned by her classmates, her life starts to change as she befriends Shōta Kazehaya, a very popular boy in her class.

Kuronuma Sawako’s one wish in life is to make friends. That’s a difficult proposition when everyone who meets her cowers in terror. She admires her classmate, Kazehaya-kun, a popular, easygoing and 100% refreshing guy who is nice with everyone, even with her. (http://www.animenewsnetwork.com)

Kimi ni Todoke is one of the best shojo manga I've ever read. I don't really like high school shojo manga/anime, (actually there are only 3 high school shojo that I've ever tried to watch/read and liked). It's just that I'm not into those cheesy/mushy love stories. I actually tried Kimi ni Todoke because of Sawako. I like anime girls with long, straight, black hair.

At first, I was hesitant to watch it because it's a high school shojo. But since it's a romantic comedy type, and I want to try another shojo anime/manga, I gave it a try. I came to love the series because of Sawako and Kazehaya. I really, really love their pairing. I find Kazehaya really cute when he blushes and becomes jealous. One episode that I really like from the anime is when Sawako smiled (and she looked really beautiful XD), and Kazehaya went in front of her to prevent their classmates from seeing her smile and told her that he wants to keep it to himself ♥ ♥ ♥.

Since the anime has ended and I really want to know what will happen to their relationship, I started reading the manga, but only where the anime left off. And I'm really happy with Sawako and Kazehaya's progress XD.

It was announced that the series would be adapted to a live action film. When the rumor of a live-action adaptation spread, I was hoping that it would be a tv series. But it was announced that it would be a film. Anyway, I'm really not that disappointed. What is important is that it would be adapted to live action! I'm actually excited and I hope that the film would do justice for the anime/manga.

When I'm about to let go, he tightens his grip.

When I thought everything is over and I'm already starting to move on, he does something. And that something is telling me - not to give up.

Colorful balloons: I want to let go of them and let them fly to the sky. But on second thought, as I see their colors, maybe I should just keep them.

A prison known as the "Abyss" - my ♥ for Pandora Hearts

Oz Vessalius, heir to the Vessalius dukedom, has just turned fifteen. His life is rich and carefree, darkened only by the constant absence of his father. At his coming-of-age ceremony, however, everything changes. For no reason that he can discern, Oz is cast into the prison known as the "Abyss", only to be saved by a "Chain" known as Alice, the Bloodstained Black Rabbit, B-Rabbit for short. The mystery there begins as Oz unravels the mystery behind Alice, the Abyss and the strange organization known as Pandora. - Wikipedia

Pandora Hearts is a manga series by Jun Mochizuki. The series features heavy references to Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and its sequel, Through the Looking-Glass, although I haven't read the latter yet. First time I heard of the title Pandora Hearts, I thought it sounds interesting. And when I saw the art, I readily considered watching it (mainly because of Gil XD). My first impressions of the series after watching a few episodes were nice, cute and funny. I also kind of like stories both with social classes and magic/fantasy. At first I thought it was kind of like Kuroshitsuji...I don't know, maybe because of Oz and Gil which greatly reminded me of Ciel and Sebastian. But it wasn't really. I think it was just the master-servant relationship.

Although I previously said that Gil is one of the reasons why i decided to watch Pandora Hearts, he is not my favorite character (actually, he was at first ^^), until I saw Xerxes Break XD. First time I saw him with Sharon, I thought and hoped that he wasn't just a servant or something. Because he looks cute and interesting. And then I was glad when I realized that he wasn't just a servant or something but one of the main characters, and is also quite powerful ♥. I love the mad hatter. And as you can see *points at the sidebar I am a Break fan girl XD. I love him so much. And he is actually the reason why I read the manga. Because I wanted to know more about him, what happened to him, his secrets and what will happen to him.  Actually, I'm currently quite sad with what is happening to him... I hope he could regain back all his powers *sniff  and his *sniff eyesight.

But it isn't just Break that I love in the series. I love the whole series - story, characters, art... everything. I love Oz for being optimistic and protective, Alice for being loud spoken and always hungry, Gil's loyalty and cuteness, Jack for being hot ♥, Sharon for loving and caring for Break, Break for being sooo lovable, Elliot's starightforwardness, and even Vincent for being gorgeously twisted ♥, and so much more...there's still, Liam, Reo, Echo, etc...lol. Sorry I just don't know what to say anymore. I just love the whole series... Although sometimes I don't like Ada... *wink

I sooo love Pandora Hearts...  And since I don't know what to write anymore, I'll just list down some of my favorite quotes.

What is left in the end... is nοt always what yοu wish fοr. - Xerxes Break

A person will become stronger if it's for 'someone'. and those things which are true and those things that are supposed to be kept in mind... those things must be useless as an 'excuse.' - Xerxes Break

The sealed loyalty will turn into a keen edge. One day it'll eventually pierce through your most precious person. - Xerxes Break

Not being afraid to suffer isn't real strength! Only people who aren't prepared to carry their own burdens spout that sort of bullshit! - Elliot Nightray

Spoiling... that's one of the unpardonable sins, isn't it? You have to apologize for that. Properly, like a man. - Reo

You lost your memories right? Is remembering everything in the end really a good thing? Besides, why did you forget? Isn't it because it needed to be forgotten? Once you remember, you might have painful memories...and maybe even desire to die?  It's scary to move ahead. It's also scary to stop here. - Rufus Barma

Even though you're right here... you're nowhere. - Cheshire-neko